


Hell Brings Us Closer Together

by Kaylele



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Arguing, Confessions, Demon/Human Relationships, Fights, Halloween, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Smut, Touching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylele/pseuds/Kaylele
Summary: Bokuto and Kuroo are demons from hell who do nothing but fight and argue all the time. Maybe a sensible human could help them solve all their problems
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 22
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keijisramen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijisramen/gifts).



> This is Halloween  
> This is Halloween  
> Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween
> 
> Yes, I know it's only September

"Dude, for the last time! Salads have rules. You can't just go around throwing whatever the fuck you want together and calling it a salad!" 

"Oh yeah!?" Bokuto yelled, crossing his arms like a pouting child, "What are the rules then!? Tell me the rules!" 

"The rules are…" Kuroo began but then trailed off. What were the rules for salad again? There had to be some, right? 

"Ha! See! I told you there's no rules!" 

"Yes there are! Yaku, tell him there are!" 

Yaku groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Why did he have to deal with these two fucking idiots? Of all the demons in his arsenal, these were the two that the boss said he absolutely couldn't fire and all they ever did was argue about stupid shit like this. 

"Can't you two go fight somewhere else?" Yaku pleaded, "Some of us are actually trying to get work done here," 

"But then who's going to tell Kuroo he's wrong?" Bokuto teased. 

"I'm not wrong! You are!" 

"Yaku!" 

"Shut up!" Yaku snapped, standing up from his seat "If all you two are going to do is argue all the time, can you at least go do it around the humans instead of me!?" 

"Yaku, that's a great idea!" Kuroo cheered, "C'mon Bo, let's go ask a human about this instead. They probably know way more about salads anyway." 

As soon as they were gone, Yaku let out a sigh of relief. Whatever poor human that had to deal with them now was most certainly going to end up in heaven for all their troubles. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dude, half the humans are asleep." Bokuto pointed out, "Which one are you even going to pick?" 

"I dunno yet… what about that one?" 

"That one's drunk." 

"So?" 

"So, she's crying over her ex. She doesn't care about salads like we do." 

"Ok, what about that one?" Kuroo asked. 

"He looks like he's never even seen a salad. Dude, just pick that one." 

"No way! They have like fifteen crosses in their house! Are you trying to get us killed?" 

"Fine fine." Bokuto hummed, looking around some more before good eyes landed on the perfect person. "That one!" 

Kuroo looked over to see a particularly cute looking brunette with blond tips, playing video games in his bedroom. His timezone read 2:30 am but he seemed to be wide awake, fully aware of the monsters he was killing on screen. He was the perfect target. With a snap of their fingers and a small flare of hellfire, Bokuto and Kuroo appeared in the man's room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NekoFan1109  
Kodzuken has such a soothing voice 

Hoshiki_Chan  
It took me forever to pass this level! How did you get through it so fast???

MishiNishi  
Ummm? @Kodzuken, who are those people behind you? 

Washita_Kaita  
@Kodzuken I swear those guys just appeared out of nowhere!!!

NekoFan1109  
@Kodzuken Those guys are scary 😨😨😨

TeruSama435  
@Kodzuken WTFWTFWTF Where did those guys come from????

"Guys knock it off," Kenma mumbled, leaning back in his chair. "Just because I'm playing a scary game doesn't mean I'm gonna fall for a dumb trick like that." 

A wave of comments came in, all of which insisting that it wasn't a joke. Kenma simply rolled his eyes and continued playing. His fans really enjoyed trying to freak him out, didn't they? But it wasn't going to work. Not this time. Although.. he did think it was odd how no one was denying it though. Usually his more loyal fans would tell the pranksters to knock it off or sometimes his admins would assure him that everything was fine. There was none of that today though. 

The comments continued for the next few minutes and Kenma was about to tell them to cut it out when suddenly, he felt a small tap on his shoulder. His entire body tensed under the touch and slowly he turned around, coming face to face with two men he had never seen before. They were both tall with pale skin, solid black eyes and pointy teeth. One of them had a terrible case of bedhead while the other had spiky two-toned hair. Slowly, Kenma took his headphones off, letting them hang around his neck. 

"Good evening, human." Kuroo purred, giving him his best smile. "Would you like to help us with something important?" 

"Um.. I'm gonna have to end the stream early tonight," Kenma said into his microphone before turning off the camera and shutting everything down. 

Once he was done he turned back to the two men who had been waiting there patiently. 

"You two have two seconds to get out before I call the police." 

"Can he do that?" Bokuto whispered. 

"I don't think so," Kuroo whispered back. 

"9-1-1, What's your emergency?" A voice rang out throughout the room. 

"Whoa whoa whoa, hang on!" Kuroo panicked, snatching Kenma's phone from him and hanging up. "Were not going to hurt you, we swear! We just need your help!" 

"What do you need my help for?" Kenma huffed, snatching his phone back.

"We um… well…" 

"We need you to solve our argument." Bokuto informed him. 

"...."

"...." 

"...."

"Get the fuck out of my house,"


	2. Chapter 2

"Please!" Bokuto begged, getting down on his knees. "You're the only human who can help us right now." 

"No." 

"But Yaku-San kicked us out!" 

"I don't even know who that is," 

"He's the leader of the first ranking demon arsenal, my ignorant little kitten." Kuroo purred, patting Kenma on the head." 

"What did you just call me?" Kenma growled, shooting daggers at the two men. "And what the hell is a demon arsenal?" 

"It's an arsenal of demons.. you know.. from hell?" 

"I'll make sure to tell the police you two are on drugs," Kenma mumbled. 

"Woah woah, hey." Kuroo snapped, "We don't do drugs! We're not humans!" 

"Prove it then. Maybe then I won't call the police." 

"Is that allowed?" Bokuto whispered to Kuroo. 

"Oh please, I'm sure Yaku-San would be fine with it." 

Kuroo cleared his throat and magically summoned a pack of playing cards. Carefully he took them out of the little box they were in and shuffled them before fanning them out in his hands.

"Pick a card." 

"...you can't be serious," Kenma deadpanned.

"What?" Kuroo asked, confused.

"You said you were demons from hell, not magicians." 

"We are demons!" Kuroo protested. 

"Can't demons do better than a card trick?" 

"Hey!" Bokuto whined. "Card tricks are still cool."

"Did you not see me literally summoning a deck of cards!? The flash of the light? The puff of smoke?" 

"I saw you pull them out of your sleeve, yes." Kenma mumbled. 

"I- look! I don't have to prove anything to you, ok!? We didn't come here to get insulted, we came here for you to solve our argument!" 

"If I solve your argument, will you go home?" 

"Yes!" Kuroo and Bokuto both cried in unison.

"Fine, what is it?" Kenma huffed. 

"Ok ok! So," Kuroo began, taking a deep breath. "Bokuto here thinks that you can just slap whatever you want together and call it a salad, ok? But I keep telling him that he can't do that because salads have rules, damnit! You can't just throw a bunch of arguably spoiled human flesh in a bowl and call it a salad. That's now how any of this wor-!" 

"Yes it is!" Bokuto interrupted. Whatever you throw in a bowl is a salad! You just don't want to admit it!"

"What about cereal then!? Huh??? Are you really going to sit there and tell me cereal is a salad!?" 

"...Cereal salad…" 

"No! Cereal is not a fucking salad! Human, tell him cereal isn't a salad!" 

"I have a name, you know." Kenma huffed. 

"What is it?" Bokuto asked, nicely. 

"Kozume Kenma" 

"Kenma! Tell this idiot that cereal isn't a salad!" 

"Technically, it's not." 

"See!" 

"But!" Kenma interjected, "if you took a bunch of different types of cereal and put them all in a bowl it would be a cereal salad." 

"Wha-" 

"See!" Bokuto chimed. 

"Salads do have rules," Kenma continued, "but they're not very hard set. It's pretty much just anything that's cut up small that you throw in a bowl together. Although, I guess it has to have a theme too. There's regular salad, fruit salad, taco salad, pasta salad." 

"So it DOES have rules, right?" Kuroo questioned. 

"Yes." 

"So I win! C'mon Bo, let's go back to hell!" 

Bokuto pouted as the two waved goodbye and magically disappeared. Kenma let out a sigh of relief and flopped down on his bed. It took way too long trying to get those guys out of his house. Hopefully they didn't come back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately for Kenma, three days later they came back. Luckily, this time it wasn't in the middle of one of his streams. One large flash of light and a puff of smoke later and the two demons were standing in the middle of his living room, blocking the tv. 

"Bo, for the last time! Batman was an orphan!" 

"But he had Alfred!" 

"Alfred wasn't his dad!" 

"I know that!" Bokuto yelled, "but he was still his guardian! If he has a guardian then he isn't an orphan!" 

"That's not how that works," Kuroo groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Kenma, please tell him." 

"Only if you go home," Kenma glared at them, pausing his show. 

"Yes, yes we will. Just tell him." 

"Orphans are people without parents, not without guardians. You can still have legal guardians and be an orphan." Kenma explained with a sigh. 

"Wait, really?" Bokuto sniffled, his eyes starting to tear up, "So batman's really an orphan," 

"Yes. Now c'mon, let's get out of Kenma's hair." Kuroo groaned, pulling Bokuto out the front door. 

As soon as they got back to hell, Bokuto pulled Kuroo to the side to ask him a question. 

"Do you not like Kenma?" 

"Wait what? What are you talking about?"

"It's just.. you seemed like you wanted to get out of there kind of quickly." Bokuto mumbled, "Do you hate him or something?" 

"Of course not! I mean-... Look dude, he's just a human, ok? We see humans all the time, every day. I don't have opinions on any of them." 

"Then why'd you wanna leave?" 

"I was just tired," Kuroo lied and then smirked when he saw the look on Bokuto's face "Why, did YOU wanna stay for something?" 

"N-No! ...Kinda…" 

"C'mon Bo, you can tell me." 

"It's just… h-he was watching cake boss and I really wanted to watch it too, ok?" 

"I-" Kuroo paused, clearly not expecting that answer. "Dude.. we can go back, you know." 

"No, it's too late," Bokuto pouted, "I don't wanna bug him again." 

"Suit yourself," Kuroo shrugged, "maybe next time."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because I feel like  
> ❣️✨hell✨❣️

"Kenmaaaa!" 

Kenma groaned, pausing his game and setting down his controller. This was the fifth time in the last three days that those two idiots had shown up and he was starting to get really irritated. They always showed up at the worst times, like when he was sleeping or playing video games and all they ever did was argue and fight. 

"What do you guys want now?" Kenma grumbled, turning around to face them. 

"Tell this stupid idiot to apologise!" Kuroo whined. 

"I'm not apologizing for anything! This is all your fault anyway!" 

"Is not!" 

"Is too!"

"Can't you guys fight somewhere else?" Kenma sighed, "I'm kind of busy." 

"Tell him to apologise first," Kuroo pouted, crossing his arms like a child. 

"I can't tell him to apologise if I don't even know what he did," 

"He completely wasted the rest of my hair gel!" 

"You used all of mine though," Bokuto pouted. 

"No I didn't! Tendou did!" 

"Tendou never even comes in my room." 

"So wait…" Kenma interrupted, "you're telling me that you want your hair to look like that?" 

"Hey!" Kuroo snapped, "Your hair isn't much better!" 

"At least it looks like I brushed it." 

Bokuto chuckled softly, earning a scowl from the other demon. 

"Can't you just tell him to apologise?" Kuroo huffed. 

"I mean.. you did use all his hair gel, Bokuto." Kenma pointed out, "you probably should apologise." 

"This isn't fair!" Bokuto whined, "You always take Kuroo's side!" 

Kenma shrugged, picking at a piece of lint on his sweater. 

"Kuroo's usually right though," 

"You just think he's hotter than me," Bokuto mumbled, crossing his arms "that's why you take his side all the time," 

"I-.. I-I do not," Kenma stuttered, trying to hide his face behind his oversized sweater sleeves. 

His cheeks burned with embarrassment as the two demons stared at him. It was true that he thought they were attractive but he wasn't biased because of it. In fact, if he was being honest, he thought Bokuto was slightly hotter. He was more muscular and his spiky hair made him look taller than he was. 

"That blush says otherwise, Kitten" Kuroo teased, draping his arm around the shorter man. 

"Shut up," Kenma grumbled, shrugging him off. "Neither one of your looks has anything to do with my opinion." 

"Then why do you always take Kuroo's side? Huh?" 

"Because he's normally right," 

"Fine," Bokuto pouted, "Then I'll just find a different human. One that's not biased." 

"Dude, that's ridiculous." Kuroo tried to tell him but it was already too late. Bokuto had disappeared. 

A strange silence fell over the two men for a few moments until he reappeared. This time with another human in tow. Akaashi looked around nervously, unsure of what was going on. One minute he was relaxing on the couch with a good book and the next he was in a strangers house, surrounded by three men he had never seen before. Two of them looked very strange. They had black eyes, pale skin, pointy teeth and horns. If he didn't know any better he'd say they looked like demons. 

"Bokuto did you… did you kidnap a human???" Kuroo asked. 

"Obviously! Who else would I have kidnapped? A goose? Gooses can't solve arguments." 

"Um.. it's actually geese." Akaashi pointed out. 

"Forget what it is!" Kenma interjected, "Bokuto, you can't just kidnap random people! That's illegal!" 

"Wait… it is?" 

"Yes!" 

"Does that mean they're going to arrest me!?" Bokuto panicked. "You guys aren't going to tell on me are you? I'm too young to go to jail!" 

"Bo, calm down." Kuroo said, patting him on the shoulder, "We're demons. Human laws don't apply to us, remember." 

"Oh.. right.... What about Yaku-San's laws?" 

"...nobody in this room better say single thing to Yaku, got it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instagram: badwritersblock  
> Twitter: @kayleileilei

**Author's Note:**

> Kenma is having no one's shit today


End file.
